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This is My Resolve

What am I doing with my life?

Am I even making use of the talents, skillsets, gifts that God gave me?

If the Master were to return today, would He find me faithful, a servant?

I ask myself these tough questions at my balcony in a building that quietly sits in a hardly known neighbourhood. Time is 2255hrs. Tuesday, just after Easter.

Talking of Easter, one other question  kept me on the edge. Am I worth dying for? Thank God for grace: He welcomes the most unqualified and embraces the most sinful. However, in regards to my quest for purpose discovery and execution, I ask myself whether the way I am living makes Christ’s dying worth it. I mean, He was chained, beaten, died so I could be free, healed, alive, right? But am I exercising this freedom? Am I walking in this health? Oh, am I even alive, or am I just existing? 

2259hrs. My neighbour– the one with an annoyingly noisy speedbike just pulled over at the gate. This guy can wake you up for free every 5am, when ‘warming’ his bike’s engine. I digress. The night is peaceful (well, at least the bike has stopped rumbling like a hungry lion’s tummy). The crickets are doing their thing. I bet that’s how they snore in their world. I am in a pensive mood tonight.

Tonight I resolve to live. Yes, you heard me. I refuse to wake every morning and allow myself to go through the same boring stuff that steal my destiny. I refuse to trade my life’s purpose for a bunch of Benjamins that take care of my bills. I utterly detest going through excruciating pain characterized by late nights, simply doing stuff that add me no value except feed my fear. The fear of failing to make ends meet. The fear of failure. The fear of being the public ridicule. The fear of being the odd one out, a lone wolf in the road less traversed. 
So, yeah. Let me just do it, and I know by God’s grace, no mountain shall come my way and remain standing. 

What is life anyway? 2314hrs.